Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Do You Mother Fuckers Know....

....that it's exactly two months until Oil Can's Day?




October 6th is designated to celebrate the birth of the Can. It's a global pseudo-holiday celebrated by anyone who's tough and cool and not a stupid idiot.

Shit. I only honestly celebrate two actual calendar holidays...and by "honestly" I mean that I have fun celebrating them....and by "fun" I mean I get really really hammered and fucked up. I don't even celebrate my own fucking birthday (mostly due to the fact that I was born from a stone egg on a mountain top a really long time ago and I don't even really know exactly what "day" it was).

The only calendar feast days I work with are Saint Patrick's Day (March 17) and Oil Can's Day (October 6th). I like these holidays because you celebrate them by getting fucked up. On SPD you go downtown and drink in the street (legally!) until you go crazy and even puke. On OCD you get a pack of oil cans, get yourselfs well-oiled, and get buck wild.

Yo, on Oil Can's Day you are supposed to drink until you get the gout.

Bad as Can


Okay,

The first time I ever celebrated Oil Can's Day was in Calgary, Alberta after I had discovered a rare book on the shelves of a GoodWill near Marlborough Mall (circa 2007). I was looking at the used books selection and came upon...



"Gettin' Oiled: The Life of the Can"

I never knew that Oil Can even wrote a book so I was pretty taken by this here tome whence I first laid eyes on it. I assume due to the reason the Can was only super popular from about 1985 until 1992, that this book might have sold a few tens of thousands of copies in that span, and by 1993 it was out of print...meaning this book was not only bad-ass but it was extremely rare too.

The price tag was a yellow sticker which had "$1" written on it in blue pen ink. This really was a case of "one dude's garbage is another dude's treasure" because I couldn't wait to get home and the read the absolute shit out of this book.

I don't want to spoil it for anyone who has never read it because that would be really rotten of me. For that reason I do not think it is a good idea to break into an impromptu book review. Then again, this being out of print and all, maybe many baseball enthusiasts (and any other enthusiast for that matter) might be interested in a brief glimpse as to what is contained in the pages of "Gettin' Oiled: The Life of the Can" and what mysterious-misadventures and/or zany yarns the Can spins within it.

Alright, here's a brief (not full) impromptu Oil Can book review...

Impromptu Book Review

It mainly details Can's journey from the Mississippi streets to Diamond King Glory. I have a feeling Can was fairly Oiled while writing this. There's a good chance Can was dictating yarns into a tape recorder and these yarns were later unraveled into text format by the immaculate (yet refreshingly refined) Donald Metzner.

Some of the shit Can says he did in this book is FUCKING MENTAL. If you're sitting here reading this and are confident that you are a primo party animal...you better think twice dude. Plus, I have a feeling the yarns printed in this book are the ones the compiler was allowed to print and the crazier completely buck wild ones were left out for legal reasons. These yarns could possibly be just the tip of the yarn iceberg which is Can's life.

Can invented a martial-arts style known as "Can-Fu" and opened a dojo in Union Station, Meridian where he taught bad-ass moves to local dojo-goers.
Satchel Paige

Apparently, this one time he met Satchel Paige who graciously took Can for top secret pitching training in the arctic where he was instructed to launch baseballs blindfolded unto snow-capped mountains until avalanches erupted. That's fucked up and awesome. Even if this yarn is not entirely true, the mental image of Satchel Paige and Oil Can Boyd in a snowy landscape whipping baseballs at mountain ranges and creating waves and waves of wicked unstoppable avalanches is really cool.

For the record, last year (2012), Can released a second book which is good too...it's in print and can be bought on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/They-Call-Me-Oil-Can/dp/B00AZ9FIYE, so if you're looking for in-print Can material that's a good way to go.

As for "Gettin' Oiled: The Life of the Can," I'm probably the only person on earth who has a copy of this...which makes me the Lord of the Can...I guess.

Not sellin' it either.

Celebratin'

In order to properly celebrate the upcoming Oil Can's Day weekend you should note the following...

On Saturday October 5th, or Oil Can's Day Eve, you should leave your bed room door slightly ajar in hopes that Oil Can sneaks in your bedroom late at night and hides cold bottles of beer under your pillow.

How does the Oil Can get beer to all the good little guys and gals of the planet? His van is fast, fool.

On the 6th, it is customary to call all your friends over and get fucked up. You have to remember to get oiled in moderation though...a lot of people (especially chicks) cannot handle it. If you can't handle it then don't drink...it's literally that simple.

Once you're good and oiled you hafta get a pack of six dozen baseballs and whip them at snowy snow-capped mountains to commemorate that one time I made up that Oil Can Boyd did that.

Conclusion

October 6th is only 2 months away now and it is going to be great fun for all like it always is.

(if your birthday happens to be this day...then you shouldn't double-celebrate but instead move your dumb birthday to a less cool day).

 
HAPPY 2 MONTHS 'TIL OIL CAN'S DAY

No comments:

Post a Comment