Article here: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2014/11/in-semi-defense-of-cos.html
I know this a silly blog of one bozo-clown's opinions but I want the whole world to know that my opinions on this matter have changed...I am no longer in Semi-Defense of the Cos but am in Full-Defense of the Cos!
I'm not talkin' 'bout 4-3 D, not 3-4 D, not a 46 D, not even 4-2-5 Nickel D...I am in 100% Full D of the Cos. You know why? On account of that unscrupulous and conniving Gloria Allred, who's completely untrust-worthy, that is as to why.
What is Gloria Allred's Problem? Is She some Kind of Jabroni, or What?
Every week this lady finds new women who Cosby wronged. There's a dozen new ones every single week now, it's getting a bit ridiculous. By the time she's done rounding up random women from the street to add to the accusers list it's gonna be in the hundreds. How many women could have possibly been raped by Bill Cosby? A hundred, five hundred, a million? Where did he even get the time in his schedule to wrong this many womens back in the day? What is he? Friggin' Super Man?
Gloria knows every single one of these claims by her clients are not going to trial, so she is demanding that the Cos personally force them to go to trial. Why in the fuck would Bill Cosby phone the governors of the jurisdictions in which the claims have been made and say to these governors...
"Hallo? Shabbity-doop-doop-ja-loop! It's meeeeeeeee! Bill Cosby! and I'm calling yooooooooooou, Mr. Governor, shabbatatat-woop-yowzer, to tell you that you must force me to stand trial. Yazzum Pawzazzum-da-da-sheez-an-zee-zlop! I know none of these cases, ah-woop-woop, have any merit or water to them and the statute of limitations on these claims, a-bappity-shap-doo-doo, passed dozens of years ago....but YOU HAVE TO FORCE ME TO STAND TRIAL...a-doop-doop-sho-bop-wop-pazzazum!"
(-hypothetical phone call between El Cos and a governor)
Ok, is it just me or will this call probably not happen? Why on earth would someone do this? So, there's not enough merit to these cases against him and none of them are going to trial, yet, for some absurd reason Cosby should force the powers that be in various legal jurisdictions to force them make himself stand trial? What fucking planet is Gloria Allred even living on where she thinks something like that is gonna happen? This absurdity is beyond all reason. Where did she go to law school? On the Moon?
Her second ultimatum to The Cos is if he won't force these trials to occur...then he should make a fund of 100 million dollars and anyone who accuses him of raping them should stand before a panel of "retired judges" and they will decide which of the accusers get a cut of that 100 million. With that much money on the line I predict in this ludicrous scenario that thousands of women will say he raped them. This is beyond silly, it makes no sense...how can anyone be taking this seriously? What would Allred's cut be in a 100 million dollar settlement? Business Week reports that her firm gets 40% of the settlement in lawsuit victories...meaning her firm would get 40 million bucks out of this. Again, why in the world would Bill Cosby for no reason just give Gloria Allred 40 million dollars!? What fantasy world is this insane woman living in?
Does anyone honestly believe that Bill Cosby is going to wake up one morning and say to himself,
"Hey-heyyyy-Hey, squibly-bop-da-scoopity-rop, what a nice day it is today! I feel like giving 40 million of my dollars to some mutated old dinosaur for absolutely no reason at all! Sibbity-scooba-da-jalop-lop! Oh, and I'm gonna give another 60 million of my dollars to an unlimited amount of random women for no apparent reason at all! Slappity-pappity-shim-wim-scooby-doo-zoomity-zoom-a-flip-flop-sha-BOP!"
(-hypothetical Bill Cosby self-monologue)
Over the last few weeks, I've seen in a lot of news stories, dumb 11 word twitter arguments, and shit, where people are saying that Cosby has to be guilty because of the sheer amount of women accusing him. I find this hard to understand, to be honest. Why does the amount of accusers automatically prove someone is guilty of something?
Is the Quantity of Accusers the Deciding Factor in Criminal Court Cases?
Let me give you two hypothetical examples and you decide which one would result in a guilty verdict and which one would result in a not-guilty verdict:
Hypothetical Case A:
A class action lawsuit is enacted by 47,000 people who are suing a television manufacturer on the claim that their devices have hindered their children from exercising and thus has rendered their kids fat. They are suing television manufacturers for making their kids fat. There are 47,000 parents of children accusing TV manufacturers of making their kids fat and these parents want 10K in damages each (for a grand total of 470000000 bux).
Hypothetical Case B:
A person is suing another person for damage to their property. The amount of total accusers accusing this person of causing this damage is ONE. The plaintiff has video evidence which clearly shows the accused perpetrating the act. The plaintiff wants 5,000 bux in damages.
Now if you were a judge you'd laugh and throw out case A and rule in favor of the plaintiff in case B, wouldn't you? Did it make a difference to you that in case A 47,000 people were accusing the accused while in case B only one person was? NO! Why? Because you're a smart judge who rules cases based on EVIDENCE and not the NUMBER OF FUCKING ACCUSERS, that's why!
Evidence has more value than quantity of accusers. Obviously.
Gloria, Yo, You Haven't Been Famous in Years....
Allred prides herself on being a "Celebrity Attorney" which doesn't necessarily mean an attorney that deals with celebs but rather an attorney who's on TV so much that they are a celeb themselves. Trouble is, Gloria hasn't been famous in over 20 years. She's so washed up at this point she's grasping at straws to get publicity. She'll do anything to get her name/face back in the media.
The last time this howler was "famous" was when she was losing arguments (by a wide margin) to the late great Mort Downey Jr. in the 80s. To her credit, she was actually a very funny, highly entertaining, and interesting guest on that show to be frank...yet that was a long time ago.
It's sad someone's claim to fame is losing arguments on television in the 80s to a chain-smoking, mentally unbalanced psychopath, but hey, everyone has their 15 minutes. There was one show where she didn't even lose the argument to Mort Downey but she lost to this weird fucking guy wearing a damned dress. I don't know who this guest was, the dude had wiry orange hair, a wiry bright orange beard, and was wearing a women's dress skirt...he looked so fucking odd*...and yet, this jabroni still defeated Allred in an argument which makes Gloria a HUMONGOUS jabroni. His arguments were so dumb and so stupid and so boring but this bag of retarded orange hair in a plaid dress freakin' beat her at arguing, and that's pretty bad.
*(Side Note: I don't think that the orange bearded dress wearing man was a legit guest, I think he was a "plant." Maybe one of the writers of the show. He's not a Bob Zmuda style plant but more of a plant out of necessity due to lack of guests that week and likely acting under the orders of Bill Boggs).
That old salamander-snake Gloria Allred has gotten some plastic surgery, a new hairdo, and is attempting to make a comeback...as a famous celebrity lawyer in the media.
Look, the only three real "celebrity attorneys" in history are Jonnie Cochran, Alan Dershowitz, and Robert Kardashian. For Gloria Allred to even suggest she's a famous attorney is ridiculous. She used to be cool in the 80s but as it stands now this woman is an abomination of the American judicial system and should be very ashamed of herself and she should be extremely ashamed of the hairdoos she equipped herself with in the 80s. She's boiling up a huge media stew simply because she has nuthin' better to do!
Humongous jabroni...thy name is Gloria.