Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Can a Human Person be Too Pumped?

In this essay we shall be exploring the notion of Gettin' Pumped, Stayin' Pumped, and just generally operating in a pumped up nature.

This essay shall pose aloud the following questions at some point in the piece:

A) "What is the notion of Pumped?"

) "Can You be Too Pumped Up?"

C) "What are the Therapeutically applicable and Mental Health appropriations and uses of Gettin'/Stayin' Pumped?"

Note: I am not a psychologist, nor a scientist, nor a nothing of anything....so don't take my recommendations at the end of this article Super Serious or anything, okay?

What is the notion of Pumped
Dissecting Robert Hamburger's seminal piece on the matter....

In the year 2004, the book "REAL Ultimate Power" was written by pump-guru Robert Hamburger. This book on the surface appeared to many as being solely about "Ninjas" yet it doesn't take much of a deep look into the words printed here to realize that this book is about much more than just really cool Ninjas.

It is the seminal piece on the Art and Science of Getting Pumped.

I've never read a book like this before, it really cares about its readers. In fact on the first page it asks you, using a full page, if you are even ready to get pumped.

This book knows not only will it teach you what it means metaphorically and tangibly to get pumped...but it will also get you really really pumped.

I really respected that they asked me beforehand if I was ready to get pumped before reading because I could have been eating cereal or taking a dump or something while opening this book and would not have been primed to have gotten pumped, so right off the bat, you know the author really deeply cares about his readers....which is a rare sight to see in this current writing climate. This author genuinely cares about meeting his goal of teaching you about getting pumped and then getting you pumped.

It is in the depths of this tome where we are treated to a philosophical look at what it is to get pumped....it is the pump-up play based on Plato's allegory of the "hole." It is a dialogue between the characters Smarticus and Fagomonius, and it reads as follows....

"Smarticus: Bonjour, amigo!
Fagomonius: Yo, bonjour.

Did you know humans live in a big hole?
Fagomonius: What![?]

Smarticus: Yup. Light gets in through the top and everybody in the hole is trapped.
Fagomonius: Wow! No Crap![?]

Smarticus: Vertas, my friend. Very Vertas. And these people think that getting pumped is just about going to a movie or playing basketball once in a while.
Fagomonius: Isn't it?

Smarticus: No way! These people are deceived by sit-coms. And they aren't allowed to turn their heads away from the TV, 'cause they'll get slapped in the mouth. But most importantly they aren't able to look out and see the ninjas standing above, trying to help them.
Fagomonius: Who are these ninjas?

Smarticus: I will tell you.
Fagomonius: O.K.

Smarticus: Ninjas are the human form of being pumped up. And they hold ropes for the regular people to climb out. Only when somebody escapes, they can understand REAL Ultimate Power.
Fagomonius: Has anyone made it out?

Smarticus: A few. But when they go back to teach the others, they are poo-pooed. Nobody listens and they are beaten.
Fagomonius: That's so immature.

Smarticus: Si."

(this excerpt is from: Hamburger, R., "REAL Ultimate Power," 2004 (pg. 50-51)

Ninjas are a symbolic concept in this piece, when Robert talks about Ninjas he is referring to the physical and mental emodiment of being Really Really Pumped Up. As his editor/babysitter John suggests in a footnote...Robert is standing above the "hole" and offering us ropes to climb out of our rut....climb to the top of the hole....lift ourselves out of it....and then finally get very pumped.

Yet, there is a scary side to getting pumped though, sometimes Robert speaks of "flipping out" and these flip outs sometime involve spitting on the carpet or even french kissing his dog. It seems in his moments of full fledged pumpery...he at times makes questionable decisions.

Which begs the question....

Can You be "Too Pumped Up?"
A statement from the Past rocks the world of the Future....

I recently unearthed statements made by a human I'm very familiar with, in which the concept of being "too pumped up" was brought to my ears for the very first time. It was in a documentary film narrated by one Donald Sutherland in which Don details 20 years of Montreal Expos memories which occurred from 1969 'til 1988.

Now, before we look at this man's comments I first want to set-up that he's not the jabroni that many in Montreal claim he is...in fact this man is a severely huge Legend. I'm, of course, talking about Steve Rogers (not Capt. America but the baseball pitcher).

Steve Rogers pitched for 13 years in an Expos uniform with a career earned run average of 3.17 in close to 3000 innings pitched, which for those who don't know is really really fucking good. He made it to the All Star game 5 times, including the 1982 All Star Game, where he was the starting pitcher on his home turf at Montreal's Olympic Stadium.

Rogers, in 1981, defeated Steve Carlton twice in a mini-ad-hoc playoff series (due to the strike shortened season), which got the Expos to the NLCS. Shit, he didn't get any run support in one game against Carlton so the guy singled in some RBIs his fucking self! Damn.

Still, despite a pretty hall-of-fame-esque career (unfortunately in 1991 he got 0% of the votes and fell of the ballot), this guy is viewed negatively in Montreal for one pitch he threw in a super-rare relief performance to Rick Monday circa October 1981.

He threw the "Blue Monday" pitch and that is the ONLY pitch from his amazing career that anyone remembers. He got zero hall of fame votes (not even one), his number 45 was never retired in Montreal despite being the greatest pitcher in their history, and whenever fans approach him to talk to him he KNOWS 100% what they are gonna ask him about....he knows they're gonna talk about Rick fucking Monday again.

In that Donald Sutherland documentary, Rogers states the reason he gave up the most heart breaking homer in Montreal baseball history is due to being...."Too Pumped Up."

"....[I] Came into the game, and I'm sure, it's the adrenaline pump that happens to all short-relievers, they have to learn how to control it and use it..............

.............I was too pumped up."

(-Stephen Douglas Rogers)

(Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6cLVyHxh3k&t=1h48m49s)

As a person who's studied the art and science of getting and staying pumped and who's basically centered my entire life around the getting of and staying PUMPED...this statements hit me like a ton of bricks. These words ripped the carpet from under my feet and left me feeling dazed and confused. Can a person be TOO pumped? It's unheard of and insane to even suggest such a thing...

....or is it?

I began quietly reflecting and really pondering inwardly about if a person can be "too pumped up" and I think he's right. Like say a dude is so pumped that he can't think straight or is so pumped that he makes bad decisions. It seems like something that happens everyday now that I really sit and down and think 'bout it.

Like, imagine a guy who's so pumped he walks out of his house feelin' like to reverse-german-suplex the first creature he sees. Now, if the person he saw that day was a pro-wrestler or a bear...then fine.....but what if the first creature Mr. Hypothetical Super-Pumped saw was a nice old lady or a cute kitty-cat? You can't just reverse-german-suplex an old lady or a cat....fuck man....Steve Rogers is very very correct in his views on being pumped.....

....you 100% can get too pumped. It's true.

It's a balance, I guess. You have to do all you can to get pumped but not too pumped. It's like threading a needle, sorta. Or not really.

You have to get pumped just enough to live life hardcore and git'r dun but you have to make sure not to get so pumped that you make bad choices or spit on the carpet. It's a gift...a gift you have to learn to control and use.

What are the Therapeutically applicable and Mental Health appropriations and the Uses of Gettin'/Stayin' Pumped and/or De-Pumped
Can shrinks use these concepts to be smarter and better at their "jobs"?

The field of psychology and psycho-analysis is a jabroni-laden field of assholes as everyone knows. You never should listen to a "shrink" ever. That dumb psycho-analysis shit has crept into the world in other areas too...like....no one can even listen to Howard Stern or that jabroni Robin anymore for more than 8 seconds because they break out the "shrink" shtick at every opportunity and that show has rendered itself un-listenable to. Howard's become more pretentious than fifty Ira Glasses smushed together and that's not something many people thought would ever happen.

Shrinks should only ask their clients one question...."Are you pumped?"

If they say "No" then you sit them down and get them pumped. You put on some music of their choice that's heavy and you tell them to feel it in their fucking bones and to get pumped.

If they answer "Yes" then maybe they are too pumped and that's why they came to a shrink. In that case the shrink should play some easy music, like lullaby music, and just say relaxing thoughts about like babbling brooks and gentle streams and things of that nature.

That's all. Psycho-analysis could be so easy if shrinks even knew the first thing about pumpology.


As much as it pains me to admit, yes, a human can reach a level of pumpitude which, as Mr. Rogers put it....is simply "too pumped up."

That being said, I still believe 7/10 humans on earth are living life not even close to ever even getting  to the pump-up cut-off point. Say, for instance, you could quantify pumpitude on a scale of integers from 0 to 100....I'd say most people on earth never even reach 60% of full pumpitude during any moment of their entire lifetime.

So, yes, over-pump does exist but it's only a problem for a very select few people who live life on an extremely pumped-up day-to-day existence where getting over-pumped would manifest itself as a problem. If you like getting pumped then just remember that over-pumped does indeed exist but you shouldn't lose too much sleep over this concept.

Yes I do, and thank you very much for asking.

(Extra Bonus Opinion:

On a somewhat unrelated note, and since we did cover the topic of spitting on carpets and I briefly touched on Howard n' Robins new-age psycho-babble....I feel it is on topic to comment on the current feud between Gilbert Gottfied and Howard Stern...

For those of you who remain unaware, Gilbert horked loogies all over Howard's set and carpet and got permanently banned from the show forever and ever.

First off, I do not agree with or condone the spitting on carpets by any individual...it is yucky and it is gross and Gilbert should not have done this to Howard's carpet.

Yet, I think just like when Robert Hamburger or his dog Francine spit or piss on the carpet...Gilbert's spit incident was due to being overly pumped. Why? Because I think he was pumped to come in and laugh at the news and a do a cute little bit like usual and wasn't expecting Howard and Robin to be in full psycho-analysis mode and I don't think he was ready or set up to be hit by 50 Ira Glasses smushed together. I think Gilbert got angry and thus became over-pumped....and I believe that's why he spit on Howard's carpet.

So, yeah.)

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