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Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Short Retraction: Of a Statement Made in Regards to James Douglas Muir Leno

This is a retraction piece in regards to statements made in this following article:

Stupidest Fake Wrestling / Talk Show Host Cross Overs (3/3/15): http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2015/03/stupidest-fake-wrestling-talk-show-host.html

Out of all individuals mentioned in that article, only two, were presented in a less than positive light. Everyone mentioned in that article was presented in a good light ... except for two people ... one was Brother Love and the other was Jay Leno.

The following retraction of negative statements in this retraction does not apply to Brother Love ... he's still uninteresting and a lame wrestling personality ... but the negative statement about Jay Leno has to be amended or even removed.

I refrained from calling Jay a "retard" in that article because I personally believed that he was legitimately mentally handicapped and due my code-of-ethics I will never call a genuinely mentally handicapped person a "retard" because it's low-handed and it's not polite.

Now, look. I wasn't just being mean for the sake of being mean to Jay Leno. I have actual (or what I thought was) decent evidence that Jay Leno was a bit slow ... but ... before we get into that ... for the record I should also state at this juncture that in all the Three Big Media Feuds that Jay Leno has been involved in over the years I've historically never sided with him.

These matters were:

1. One David Letterman versus One Jay Leno
2. One Howard Stern versus One Jay Leno
3. One Conan O'Brien versus One Jay Leno

In all three of these historic media feuds I was staunchly in the anti-Jay camp and supported his opponents in each matter as such. Now, does this mean I am simply biased towards Jay Leno? No, it doesn't. The reason I have never publicly supported Jay Leno is due to very specific reasons and has nothing to do with any sort of negative bias I may hold against Jay Leno.

In the case of Letterman versus Leno ... Jay hid under a desk during a meeting between individuals regarding matters which did not concern him and thus engaged in extremely under-handed tactics to secure his position as replacement for One Johnny Carson.

Leno and Rondstadt lure Robin into Pincer Attack
In the case of Stern versus Leno ... Jay offered an olive branch to the Stern camp by inviting One Robin Quivers onto his show as a sign of goodwill and friendship in order to smooth out relations between both camps. YET ... Jay then used this feigned trust offering as means to ambush Ms. Robin Quivers in a pincer attack in which himself and One Linda Ronstadt proceeded to verbally abuse her. Again, the methods used in this feud by Leno were underhanded and showed much cowardice.

In the case of Conan versus Leno ... Jay agreed in paper to retire at a certain point and Conan signed an agreement saying he would be the replacement when Leno retired. On the eve of the retirement and take-over ... Leno somehow negotiated a counter-deal in which he would move his show to air before Conan's yet Conan would still technically get the 11:30 Tonight Show space. Leno's new earlier show thus pushed the drama lead-ins to an earlier time slot (Law and Order et. al) ... thus ... the drama lead-ins were still Leno's ... and Conan's lead in was an aging and boring Jay Leno. Thus, Leno's retirement became more of a strategic shift that ultimately destroyed both shows ... much to Leno's delight. It was some sort of underhanded Japanese Kamikaze suicide attack used by Leno ... and it can only be described as being vindictive and underhanded.

So, yes, even though I've never sided with him in any Media Feud regarding Leno, it IS NOT because I have a bias towards the fellow. My opinions on those matters are based on what I perceive to be under-handed and cowardly tactics employed by Leno over the years.

Now, with that out of the way let's get to the main question of this article....

Jay Leno is NOT Mentally Handicapped

Again, I honestly believed that was true and he was "slow"... I didn't just say that to be mean. Why did I previously believe that Mr. Leno was possibly slightly mentally handicapped? This is why....

First of all, he inherited the Tonight Show, and we need a little history on that first. The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson took a hard line when it came to charlatons, brigands, and snake oil salesman. Carson would routinely lure unsuspecting bozo-clowns such as Uri Geller into unbreakable traps designed by One James Randi to expose these con men for the world to see....


Uri exposed in Johnny and Randi's Deadly Trap!

Uri Geller is put into a situation where his scammy ass shitck won't fly. Unlike the trap Leno set up to stab Robin Quivers in the back ... this isn't a cowardly trap ... this is a service to humanity and Carson and James Randi should be commended for their valiant efforts and stratagems.

That was the Tonight Show's stance in regards to charlatans and scam artists... but fast forward to the Leno Era of the Tonight Show and that main tenet of the program was removed like it never happened. Spoon benders and any other "psychic" bozo-clowns were on Leno's version of the Tonight Show doing the dumbest crap without any questions asked of them ... and that's fine ... I guess ... but the Tonight Show under Carson flew with a skeptic banner for its entire history until Leno just didn't feel like carrying on that tradition.

Jay Leno went a completely "go along with the bit" route with every spoon bender and person like that who ever appeared on his show. Now did Leno go along with these bits for fun or did he really actually believe that people can bend spoons with their "minds"? I never thought he did believe this shit but ... then one time ... I heard him tell a very silly story that led me to believe that he is a very gullible and a genuinely odd fellow.

Sometime in the late 1990s ... Jay Leno told a story once to a guest on the Tonight Show, in which he claims to have ordered a package from an ad on the back of a comic book as a kid, and they sent him the wrong package. When he opened the package ... he claims a "small man" in a "suit" jumped out of the box ... looked at him .... freaked out ... and proceeded to run out of his home ... never to be seen or heard from ever again.

Now, he goes on to insist that this really did happen, that it's not a joke, or a ruse. He honestly believed this happened.

Okay, this was the exact moment that I became convinced that Jay was slightly mentally handicapped. I can believe a guy who tells a story like this could really be dumb enough to believe that a guy can bend spoons with his mind and other gullible ass shit.

He said a "Small Man" (which using his hands he claims to have been maybe 1 foot tall or less) ... totally 100% alive and not a toy ... was sent to his house through the mail ... and then once freed from the box ... this 1 foot tall "small man" freaked out and ran outside never to be seen from again.

Yeah........... Okay, there....... Leno. Yeah right.

You're a moron. Or are you?

Interesting Information Comes to Light

When I heard Jay make that claim ... and defend it like it really happened ... I honestly thought the guy was fucking crazy. The first thing I thought of when he described it as a small man was that bit on Sesame Street. I was picturing that darned Teeny Little Super Guy running out of Jay Leno's childhood home when I heard him refer to it as a "small man."

I thought it was the Teeny Little Super Guy or some shit...

Obviously this never happened, right? Yet new evidence which may exonerate Jay in this matter has come to the forefront....

I was listening on Monday of February the 8th to the wonderful and delightful radio program called "The Gilbert Gottfried Amazing Colossal Podcast" hosted by One Gilbert Gottfried and side-windered by One Frank Santopadre. They had on a guest, One Joe Dante, brilliant director of great films such as Gremlins 1 and Gremlins 2 (great movies, great movies) and founder of the website "Trailers from Hell." 

Gilbert, Frank, and Joe were discussing old movies and campy sixties and seventies culture and Gilbert brought up the topic that in the back of comic books in that era there was an ad to literally purchase MONKEYS via mail order. Joe Dante thought Gilbert was talking about the gimmicky specks known as "sea monkeys" BUT NO.... Gilbert said there were ads to buy real live monkeys via the mail. I looked into this and...

....YES! Fools were selling live small "squirrel monkeys" via the mail in that era! What the fuck!? First of all ... that's inhumane and disgusting. Gilbert said that most of the monkeys came dead on arrival to the home or on the verge of death as they were unable to survive whatever these cruel assholes packaged the poor creatures in.

The ads were the following:


No! Stupid! You don't send Monkeys through the MAIL! 

They put clothes on it!? It's looks like a "Small Man" !

No! What is wrong with people!? Don't send monkeys through the mail system!

So, as it would seem ... the backs of comic books in the era in which One James Douglas Muir Leno was a child ... were INDEED selling what could be described as "small men" through the mail ... which is obviously animal cruelty and very stupid and wrong ... but ... it 100% occurred.

Describing it as a "Little Man" really threw me off. I thought, like Joe Dante thought Gilbert was talking about, that Leno sent away for those stupid little bacteria specks known as "Sea Monkeys" and when Leno claimed he received a "small man" in the mail I thought he was full of shit ...

.... but it turns out he wasn't. Wow. His description of a Small Man coming out of a package actually makes sense after this new evidence has been brought to light.

Final Retraction and Conclusion

Since this dumb blog has morphed into basically a "Compendium of My Dumb Opinions on Things" as opposed to "Writings on Subjects" ... I must retract the statement I made a while back that Jay Leno is retarded.

Jay Leno is an under-handed fellow in regards to Media Feuds he engages himself  in ... yet ... with new evidence supporting his claims that he was sent a "Small Man" via mail order to his abode ... I officially and with great remorse retract my statements in regards to Jay Leno being a big retard because it turns out he actually isn't.

Some time this month I'm gonna write about the current Late Night Wars between Colbert and Fallon ... and I will let you know ... I honestly believe that it is in the utmost and urgent importance that Colbert surpass Fallon in the ratings. Jimmy Fallon hosting a Day-Time talk show (which is lamer than the one Ellen Degeneres does) in the 11:30 Tonight Show slot is an affront to the history of Late Night television. Stephen Colbert must win this modern Late Night War ... it's not even a joke ... it's not even funny anymore. 

Fallon is one of the most affronterous fellows I've ever seen on Tee Vee. A brazen fellow if I've ever seen one. What is his end-game? Who knows but what this man is up to is simply not correct. Simply not correct.

With this revelation that Leno is slightly less bad than previously thought ... Fallon has fallen to the bottom rung of historic hosts of the Tonight Show.  

Official Historic Tonight Show hosts Power Ranking:

1. Carson
2. Allen
3. Conan *
4. Parr
5. Leno
6. Fallon

*Conan didn't get enough time to shine in the slot, only 1.5 years, due to the underhanded kamikaze-style actions of Leno which dropped him down in the rankings. 

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