Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

General Retrospective: Who Will be Remembered as The King of Trash TV?

Trash TV is officially dead, its run is over. Talk shows now a days fall into a very basic formula which promote various products (actors, actresses, consumer goods, etc.). The wild wild west known as Trash which brutalized the air waves for a good 30 years seems to be on its last legs. So, now that the genre is officially accepted as being close to or already dead, it is a good time to take a look back and attempt to crown a champion.

Some TeeVee historians tend argue the founder of the genre was one Alan Burke...who in the 60s would do an open show in front of a live studio audience which would sometimes be filled with very conservative people mixed in with the hippies/yippies of the era. The open audience would tend to boil over at times and it would get sort of unruly at times.

When other people started to emulate this genre, they not only tended to let small melees boil over in the audience but actively began to willingly encourage it or even plant actors in the audience to incite/instigate bedlam.

We shall focus on four particular hosts (or 3 and 1 honorable mention more like it). These 3 people are in my opinion the finalists for being King of Trash TV.

Preamble

To be considered as King of Trash, the show in question must have been highly controversial or even completely retarded, it must have been filmed before a rowdy or even asininely feral studio audience, and the studio audience must have been allowed to express opinions upon the subject matter despite how silly or fringe those opinion may have been.

One notable omission is the Howard Stern show. This show is more a of an interview/comedy show more consistent with a late night formula than the Trash genre. The "Channel 9" version of the Stern show is close to meeting the criterion of Trash yet I would still classify that show in the genre of a comedy/interview late night program. It displayed many of the qualities of a Trash genre program yet it is definitely not caste in the Trash format and thus is not considered. Stern may indeed be the self-proclaimed "King of All Media" yet he is surely not King of Trash.

Total jabronies who are worthy of mention but who did not make the final cut: Donahue, Sally Jesse Raphael, Joan "Skeletor" Rivers, Wally George, that big one Ricky Lake, Geraldo, Maury, Steve Wilkos, etc.

If anyone is unclear of what the Trash Genre is, the following is a short parody by Mr. Weird Al which sums up the genre quite compactly...

Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced into Weight Loss Programs!




On to The Trash

1. Jerry Springer

Sub-Genre: Scripted Trash
Show Biz Percentage: 100%

The poster boy of the genre himself, the mayor of Cincinnati turned Trash iconoclast. This was the show that really honed the facets of the genre that selled to the audience best and took the Trash genre to its epitome and peak level. 

The things that sold best were ridiculous ass shit, fights, tits, and just general weirdness. The producers figured out that if you script all the fights and pay women to show tits then you can have this each and every single show. The cutest thing on this show was after all this scripted nonsense was done...Jerry would offer up a sobering and downright silly "final thought" to attempt to summarize the circus that had just ensued. The "final thought" segment was so darned odd that it was pretty hilarious. You'd have like 21 straight minutes of brawls from some whacky hill billy lesbian love triangle...and then Springer would read his inner most and somberest thoughts concerning lesbian hill billy love triangles as per prepared for him before hand.


Sobering thought...



I think this show is still on which is literally like kicking a dead horse at this point. In this case I guess it is literally like marrying a dead horse at this point I should say (if you watched this show back in the day, a fellow indeed came on to marry a horse once).

Since it is scripted, 100% show-biz, and mostly features actors it is hard to laugh at it sometimes, but the scripted whackos still rarely fail at being funny. Everything considered, this was a pretty decent program.


2. Morton Downey Jr.

Morton is mediating...
Sub-Genre: RAW 
Show Biz Percentage: 25%

Oh goodness. Morton Downey Jr., oh my goodness. This was a wild one, and I really believe close to 3/4 of this mess was not a shtick. They put two opposing groups of people into a room, surrounded them by a non-screened studio audience, and refereed it with an in-yer-face chain-smoking maniac.

The format was Loudmouth #1 vs. Loudmouth #2 vs. Loudmouth #3. Three or four guests expressing usually fringe and polarized opinions. Downey remained unbiased to the discussion and mainly just told everyone they were wrong and that they were idiots in order to fire them up and get them to open up about even more or their opinions.

The thing I like the most I think on this show is when a heckler is getting loud and crazy...they don't kick the person out...Downey summons him down to the stage a la Rod Roddy or goes into the crowd and fishes them out and gets them to a mic to express whatever opinion they are hooting or hollering about. Chances are its either gonna be funny, crazy, or insane but it will be heartfelt and real that's for sure. Sometimes they were opinions that may well have been correct but were simply too harsh that no one wanted to admit they were true.

One day it might be jezus freaks, wiccan weirdoes, and new-age kooks yelling at each other whilst being presided over by Dracula (note: the lady with the poodle head hair is the only person in this episode not in costume). Another day it might be rap stars versus white supremacists or some other volatile situation. How 'bout one about cult experts versus nutty scientologists? That one's good too.

He'll even get all post-modern and existential on you and do a rude talk show episode about rude talk show hosts. Hey, why not?

The piece de resistance may have been a show in a rented out Apollo Theater, with a sold out audience of rabid christians, gathered together for a good old fashion debate between atheists and christians. The rowdiness and fights that break out in the Apollo were not scripted...that's raw right there. The only thing that was scripted in this debacle was when he dumped water on "loudmouth #2"...the guest obviously had a hat ready to take out to sell the gag.

Downey passed away over a decade ago from lung cancer (the chain-smoking got 'em) but this show left its mark for better or worse.



3. Timothy Stack

Sub-Genre: Parody/Satire
Show Biz Percentage: 110%

You've probably seen T. Stack pop up somewhere here or there on some show or other. He's a longtime character actor. Here for example he's bit playing some bit on Seinfeld and you've probably seen him some other place on some show...probably.

He's sort of forgettable I guess, but on the two shows where he was given the headline time he really had some moments. Stack was of course Notch Johnson on the Bay Watch parody show "Son of The Beach" and he was also Trash TeeVee host Dick Dietrick on the short lived "Night Stand."

Trash Talk was already done-to-death at this point and this parody version was probably the best way to go with the genre. It is a stage show more than a Trash Talk but the audience is there and allowed to yell and stuff so it meets the criterion.

It's odd to parody things that are basically ridiculous to being with. I love that movie Black Dynamite for example which is a parody of Dolemite...and Dolemite was incredibly ridiculous to begin with meaning the parody became a parody of a parody which makes it a Dual-Parody. Stack's "Son of The Beach" parody of Baywatch fits the mold of a compounded Dual-Parody as does his work in Night Stand.

How do you parody Morton Downey Jr. or Springer? The end result will be stupidity multiplied by 2 is what it will be. Stupid times stupid is stupid squared. Double Stupid is something original at least...it's not something you see everyday anyway. Having more stupidity is better than having no stupidity.


4. Honorable Mention: Wally Sparks

Sub-Genre: Fiction 
Show Biz Percentage: 110%

This was a film about a rude talk show host starring the Legend of Comedy Legends Mr. Rodney Dangerfield.

The son of a respected governor thinks it would be a hoot to invite his hero, trash talksman extraordinaire Wally Sparks, to a ritzy party his father is hosting. Misfortune erupts as Sparks gets injured whilst accidentally riding a horse through the gathering. The governor reluctantly lets Sparks host his show at his mansion while he heals his wounds. As you'd expect all kinds of ruckus breaks out and Sparks does what he can to boost ratings and deliver the sleeziest trash teevee from the governor's mansion.

This movie isn't that good...it's not an A+ Rodney movie by any stretch but it should still be included in this retrospective. I've wrote a comedy oriented blog for like a few years now and I've never once even mentioned Rodney yet....so squeezing him in here seems like a good moment.

Rodney is a freaking amazing comedian, top 5 of all time no doubt, but he's definitely not the King of Trash Teevee (at least not in real life).



Drum Roll Pleeeeeeeeease.....


The Official King of the deceased genre known as Trash TV is...


It was between him and Springer and though Springer is a funnier show, Downey's show was plain nuts. He was not necessarily always a likeable dude but his show was intense and freaking wild. It's probably the one and only legit trash talk show that ever existed. Some parts of it were literally crazy and at some times it was so raw it was freakin' real as fuck. More real than anything you'll see on a so-called "reality" show on modern day TV that's for sure.



 
"Ya Drug Dealin', Slime Sucking Son of a BITCH....I hope that you die sloooooooooooow"
-Morton Downey Jr. (1932 - 2001)




EDIT (Sept. 20/2014): I gave Downey props for doing an odd idea of doing a rude talk show about rude talk show hosts. The idea was kind of silly yet highly original. I recently watched this episode of the Bill Boggs Midday show in which he did a talk show of a talk show host talking to other talk show hosts about doing talk shows:


Seeing as Bill Boggs was the producer of the Morton Downey Jr. Show, I'm gonna go and assume that the idea of doing an episode of a rude talk show host interviewing rude talk show hosts about doing rude talk shows was in fact Bill Boggs's so the props for that original idea should be given to Boggs.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Quebec Economy: What's the Deal?

Everyone is talkin' 'conomy these days so here's some cool stats.

North American States (USA, Mexico, Canada) Ranked by GDP

1. California (2.1 Trillion)
2. Texas
3. New York
4. Florida
5. Illinois
6. Pennsylvania
7. Ontario CDN (600 Billion)
8. New Jersey
9. Ohio
10. N. Carolina
11. Virgina
12. Georgia
13. Massachusetts
14. Michigan
15. Washington
16. Quebec CDN (350 Billion)
17. Maryland
18. Minnesota
19. Indiana
20. Colorado
21. Alberta CDN
22. Tennessee
23. Arizona (300 Billion)
24. etc........

(Note: the CDN dollar is trading at 0.90 to the USD at the time of writing so any entry with a CDN marker must have that taken into account)

Quebec comes in at 16th in this list. It may have a population of over 8 million which is the 12th highest in North America yet it ranks in way down at 16th in GDP which is a surprise to some but not to others.


Taxes

This is a list of state income taxes paid by region in the US: http://taxes.about.com/od/statetaxes/a/highest-state-income-tax-rates.htm

Some of these areas are pretty low. Apparently Wyoming doesn't even make you pay income tax.

In Quebec you have the following taxes applied to you:

Provincial Income Tax(+100,000 income): 25.75%
Federal Income: Tax(+136,000): 29%

Sales Tax (any good/service purchased in the region): GST+QST = 14.98%

(note: if your business only operates in Quebec you may be able to claim a small "Quebec abatement" discount on your federal taxes)

Okay so, if a business wants to operate in the Quebec region and it becomes pretty profitable and successful then you're looking at hits of 26+29 on your income and a hit of 15 on anything you purchase in the region. Those hit rates are the highest (by a large margin) in North America.


Consumer Spending / Consumptional Power Stranglehold

Over 2/3 of any area's GDP is chuncked in Consumer Spending. The purchasing of goods in the region by citizens is the over 66% of any economy's GDP, and that is a fact.

With all those tax hits being slung out left and right, it seems consumers can't spend their money as willingly and as often as they could in a healthy economy.

If the government takes all your money away then you simply can't buy things...it is literally that friggin' simple. No frills of gimmicks, bro...it's that simple. The following statement is unquestionably true:

No One can spend money in the economy if the government takes it all away

I was reading an article about a New York start up program to lure businesses to come and operate in New York state. They wave taxes for 10 FULL YEARS to let a new business get off the ground and become successful. TEN FULL YEARS they wave the taxes. That's how some regions operate...they actually understand the concept of not strangling people to death. They actually want to have a healthy and functioning economy. That's pretty cool to be honest.


What Does Quebec Do with with All these Taxes They Collect?

See: Charbonneau Commission

See: http://news.nationalpost.com/2014/02/04/pauline-marois-furious-as-opposition-party-calls-for-her-husband-to-testify-at-corruption-inquiry/

Basically, they pocket it, give it to their friends, or put it in some Swiss bank account. They steal it. They literally steal it and take it out of the economy. They drain the life blood out of the economy and hide it somewhere.

The Commission has become a soap opera of nonsense for like a full year now. These people who testify seem so proud that they are draining and killing a region's economy. It's like some fucking stupid godfather movie to these fucking asshole losers.


Spec/Prog

If the Quebec region operated in a similar style of more advanced regions (i.e. New York, California, etc.) who have a clearer understanding of economics, could they climb the ladder of GDP rankings quite quickly?

If all the registered businesses in the region were operating at an optimized consumptional power module these companies would have the option to buy new equipment, expand, employ more humans, and increase wages for employees. All of which would result in positive increments for their economic ranking. Not strangle-holding the businesses in the region would have an immediate effect.

If the 8 million demographic humans in the region had more consumptional power to purchase homes, purchase vehicles, purchase luxury goods, and other products* then you are looking at some compounded GDP growth out the wazoo.

*(note: necessity goods such as common food items should never be used to increase GDP. Trying to gimmick up bread, milk, salt, eggs, and shit like that is extreme jabroni-ism. Necessity goods must be price controlled for they are staples and should never ever be used to gimmick up monies)

Conclusion

A business in New York gets to open and receive 10 years of cool-breezin' to get off the ground and become operational....yet in Quebec a business gets hit from all angles with obscene taxation and on top of it all these taxes are then siphoned out of the economy under obvious criminal and illegal means.

Look, I don't know, maybe Quebec is happy being 16th in North America...maybe they think that's cool or good enough....I don't know. Who Me? I'm not so sure about that. Some people try and be the best, you know, the best that nobody even never was...so to people like that, 16th kind of comes across as being pretty crappy.

If the Montreal Canadiens hockey club finished 16th in the league would you be proud of them? No. So why be proud of being 16th in the league in economic output?



Note: I'm not saying to eliminate taxes. Taxes are necessary to maintain the infrastructure of the region, and to keep the citizens of the region healthy and safe. Yet, there's a line that can be crossed with taxation where it just becomes a huge corrupt burden on your region. Like anything else you can have a "too much" or a "not enough" polarization and in the case of Quebec it's a BIG TIME "too much" situation.




The author of this article has a prestigious economics degree in Uncharted Waters 2: New Horizons from the ever-respected SNES school of business. 

Monday, March 3, 2014

A Crimean War? What Year is This? 1853?

Protests broke out en masse in the Ukraine after the Ukrainian government cancelled a free trade agreement with the European Union.

I'm not going to pretend to understand the ethnic/socio/linguistic history of the region and any feuds the sects of people living there have. Squabbles of a racial/tribal/cultural nature are pointless and can never be mediated or resolved because there is no actual problem to identify and solve and thus the cycles of hate usually wind up spinning for eternity.

Yet since the initial spark that set the thing off was due to a cancelled trade agreement...is it correct to assume this is an economic issue? If it is, then the answer to the conflict may lie in the domain of mathematical formula(es).

Once you are out of the murky waters of the silly tribal or linguistic reasons for conflicts and enter into the domain of the world's only official and accepted language (Math) then maybe some actual reasoning can take place.

Ukrainian Economic Analysis

GDP: 176 Billion
Global Economic Power Ranking: 54/193
Style of Govt.: Gangsterism
Population: ~46 million
Grade: D-

Ukraine has the population and the scientific literacy rates to be a B grade economy yet it is it is being hindered by various factors.

After the fall of the soviet union many satellite states of that "union" (it was not a popular union) were left having to start their economies again from scratch. The soviet production chain had factories all over making specialized parts mostly for stupid war gadgets. So something like the tank tread factory was in one area, the turret factory was in another region and maybe Ukraine had a munitions factory...etc, etc, etc all sending the parts to be assembled in another factory in another region of the soviet union.

When the union collapsed in 1991 these specialized war gadget factories closed down. The supply chain become obsolete because no one was assembling these tank parts (or whatever widget) and the specialized factories making these parts closed.

With a blank sheet of paper to start any sort of industry to power its economy, the future may have looked pretty bright for the Ukraine. They could have gone high-tech, they could have gone to electronics, or anything really. The sad reality of the matter was the governments in these newly formed independent countries were not formed by the brightest and best individuals in the region...but for the most part formed by the most dangerous gangsters in the region.

So the Ukrainian economy of today isn't at its full potential. The only high tech production is in the aerospace industry, the Ukraine relies for much of its GDP on old school shit like coal mining. It has a lot of great potential yet the corruption and gangsterism has handicapped that potential greatly.

People in the Ukraine understand this and know they want better. They have the option of throwing their economic poker chips in with two catalyst organizations and the options are the following...

Options

To keep any nationalistic/historic/etc biases from clouding the economic analysis of their "options" so to speak we will refer to the economic catalystic organizations as Option A and Option B.

Option A

GDP: ~17 Trillion
Global Ranking: 1/193
Style of Govt.: Varying (party-democracy, pseudo-democracy, gangsterism)
Population: 507 million
Grade: A

Their first option boasts some pretty decent numbers for an economic organization. Throwing their chips into this pot with the right agreement would be pretty tempting.


Option B

GDP: ~2 Trillion
Global Ranking: 8/193
Style of Govt: Pseudo-Democracy
Population: ~145 million
Grade: B

Option B is ok too. It's this nice country with a lot of potential. The style of government is a bit odd. They use this sort of revolving door gimmick to bypass the term limit law (max time a head of government can serve) and basically the same guy has been the head of state for 12 years and has 4 years left in his current term (in 2018 he will be head of state for 16 years).

A good cut off year where you can no longer be called "head of state" and might have to be referred to as a "dictator" a la Gaddafi or Castro is probably a nice round number like 15 years. When the head of state crosses the 15 year mark I think its style of government variable can be changed to "Dictatorship" instead of "Pseudo-Democracy."

Ukraine has already been in a union with this organization in the past.


Decisions, Decisions....

Who would you throw your chips in with? Option A or Option B?

I'm sure you've figured it out but...

Option A is the European Union
Option B is Russia

Many would come to the conclusion that Option A is the wise decision.

As stated in the first paragraph in this article, the protests started the day after the Ukrainian Government rejected a free trade deal with the European Union. I understand the protesters anger I think, it seems like a logical decision to want to deal with the EU.

I mean why reject throwing your chips in with the Number 1 economy on earth at this moment to sign on with an under achieving sinking ship that just spent 51 billion dollars of tax payers money on a stupid skiing exhibition? It seems like a bad idea.


Is There An Option C?

Is it possible that they could have free trade agreements with BOTH the EU and Russia thus maximizing their economic opportunities full scale? I don't know...there's too much bullshit in the way.

I mean theoretically all three concerned parties in this region could realize we are living in 2014 and become best of pals, get along, and start devoting their time and efforts to the advancement of science and maybe even getting started on the infrastructure for the Global Power Hyper-Grid in that area.

But what's more likely going to happen is they are going to conveniently bypass the fact that we are currently in the year 2014, they will pretend we are living in the year 18-fucking-53...and have a second Crimean War.

Whatever, at least people get to play with those cool gun toys. That's going to be fun for them. Shooting guns and having a fun war is cool too.